The Worst Of Bermuda Awards 2004
Bah, humbug. While local people and businesses have been congratulating themselves on being the recipients of The Bermudian’s annual ‘Best of Bermuda’ awards, your curmudgeonly correspondent, passed over for mention in the ‘Best Local Website’ category, has been plotting some honours of his own. It gives me no pleasure whatsoever to welcome you to the 1st Annual Worst Of Bermuda Awards…
Shadow Minister Who Should’ve Kept Out Of The Limelight
Maxwell Burgess, for his insistence that the PLP are biased against black males.
Least Effective Politicians
Jennifer Smith and Dean Foggo, for seeming to stand up for the second P1 stream at St. George’s Prep, only to back down at the first sign of opposition from Education Minister Terry Lister. Fortunately the parents persisted anyway, and eventually got their way.
Most Incompetent Minister
Education Minister Terry Lister for his handling of the St. George's Prep issue and teachers' strike, and failing to push for a speedy resolution of the Abdallah Ahad situation. Not to mention his last-minute attempt to change the rules under which special needs children took the Terra Nova tests.
Most Counter-Productive Display Of Histrionics
Premier Alex Scott's table-thumping nonsense about his office being disrespected whilst trying to persuade the Governor to allow his car to pick him up on the airport runway.
The US State Department’s Travel Advisory categorising Bermuda’s crime rate as “moderate but growing”.
Capital G’s vacuous “What are your wants and needs?” ads. “I need to walk on the beach,” one man replies, improbably. “You have great expectations, for your dreams and your dreams’ dreams,” intones an otherworldly female voice, sounding like a cheap fortune teller. “You are you,” she finishes, philosophically. You don’t say?
Carol Marshall, of Mix 106. Bless her.
Shade Subair, for running up $16,000 in unpaid parking fines.
Southside, before the air-conditioning was fixed. The giant industrial fans used to cool the audience instead ensured it was virtually impossible to hear the film.
Blackbeard’s in St. George’s, where we spent over fifteen minutes waiting for someone to show us a menu or offer to bring us some drinks. In the end we gave up and went to Café Gio instead.
Hurrican Fabian. Well, duh.
Waiting to cross the Causeway after hurricane Fabian all but swept it away. The first couple of weeks were the worst, when the wait often stretched to an hour, but gradually things did speed up.
Most Obnoxious Cruise Ship
The Norwegian Crown, which moors in St. George's at the foot of our hill every Tuesday and has a loud party on its stern in the evening. Take it inside, people.
PC Games Selection
They’re all pretty bad, but Leisure Time takes the biscuit for having the lowest new-game-to-shelf-space ratio and for still charging $50 for Quake 3.
Computer Sales and Service
Gateway. Never have anything you’re looking for and never seem to care.
Kodak on Church Street. For the sheer effrontery of charging us hundreds of dollars for digitising our wedding photographs even though the results looked like crap because their machine wasn’t working properly.
Triminghams, for taking eight months to get all the gifts purchased on our wedding list to us.
The sonofabitch who was supposed to meet me outside Godet & Young on Thursday 25 September last year, to take me to my stag do in Hamilton. So what if half the Causeway was in Castle Harbour and a tropical storm was forecast?
A Limey In Bermuda. Christ, that guy’s a moaner. And does he really think he looks cool in those shades?