Invisibility sounds good to me too

One of the best and the worst things about living in Bermuda is the lack of anonymity. After you’ve been living here for a while it becomes almost impossible to leave your house without running into someone you know.

There are times when this can be nice and there are times when this can be a pain in the ass, particularly for people with as little patience as me. The simplest errands can become irritatingly prolonged, as you’re obliged to stop for five minutes to exchange pleasantries with those you encounter.

You’re not even safe while driving in your car. Friends and family expect you to keep an eye out for them and give them a friendly toot as you pass. Even if you keep your gaze fixed on the vehicle in front, there’s no guarantee that someone you know isn’t watching you.

I first discovered this when driving to work with a cold one day last year. To avoid having to wipe my runny nose all the time, I'd stuffed a tissue into my nostrils and left it hanging there as I drove along. (Aw, c'mon. I’m sure you’ve got some bad habits too).

That night my wife told me that the man stationed on the pedestrian crossing outside her school had asked her whether the two of us had been fighting. He’d seen me drive past and had thought that my wife had punched me and given me a nosebleed.

Then this morning I made the mistake of driving in listening to the Ricky Gervais Show, doing my best not to have an accident because of the tears of laughter streaming down my face. I got home tonight to discover that one of the teachers with whom my wife works had seen me laughing silently as I drove past him at Flatts. Apparently I made for an amusing sight.

As it happens, I’d been laughing at a skit where Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant were asking co-host Karl Pilkington what superhero power he’d like to have. Karl eventually plumped for invisibility. That sounds pretty good to me too.

Comments

[Turtle on 05.01.06 at 08:25]

Sneeze in Somerset and within the hour someone in St. George's will hear you have pnemonia.

Even when you're away, enjoying the anonymity of a big city Bermudians pop up everywhere. Sometimes they "speak", but then again, sometimes they see you from a distance.

And when you get home someone says "So . . . I hear you were seen in Suchaplace with Soandso."

I bet you'd run into Bermudians everywhere from Buenos Aires to Outer Mongolia.

[Tiger Bay on 05.01.06 at 08:28]

Let me guess, you drive that car to work alone? Perhaps a wee contributor to the traffic problem, hmmm? Howaboutta carpool?

[Argus Filch on 05.01.06 at 08:51]

I went on a job interview the other day and I had to walk down Re-insurance Row. I was terrified I was going to see someone I knew or worse someone I work with. I would then have to explain why I was walking down the street in my suit and carrying the standard interview portfolio fodler thingy. I Kept my head down to avoid eye contact. I considered a back route but the weather was threatening and I didnt want to be late. I think I was more nervous about getting to the interview unobserved than I was about the actual interview. Just as I reached the door of the building I heard somone call my name and shout GOOD LUCK! It was a friend so it was an ok sighting but I cringed at how little privacy one has. I need Harry Potters invisibility cloak.

[Adjustah on 05.01.06 at 09:16]

I seem to recall using some of the more creative and colourful language, of the four letter variety, that I'd heard my Dad use on my way home from school on the ferry.

By the time I'd walked up the hill from the ferry stop my mother had recieved two phone calls about my behavior onboard the ferry. Hell hath no fury like a Bermudian mother embarrassed.

[Combat Banker on 05.01.06 at 09:37]

Similar lines.

I remember getting into a fight at the Ag Show when I was 12 or 13, & my mother knowing all about it when I got home less than an hour latter.

And yes she cut my azz as well.

[Fourth Estate on 05.01.06 at 09:54]

Come on it isn't that bad: look, most of our Cabinet Ministers are totally invisible.

[ace on 05.01.06 at 09:58]

Years ago I was trying to get a very drunk girl home from Disco 40. She was so drunk she was making an ass out of herself, screaming and yelling and trying to walk out onto Front Street before throwing up on the sidewalk at about 3.30am.

My step-mother said to me the next day, "I heard you had an interesting experience with a girl on Front Street last night."

I have no idea how she could have possibly known about it so soon but someone must have seen the shenanigans.

[Yet Another Limey on 05.01.06 at 10:39]

I’ve always wondered who buys the ‘top shelf’ magazines in the Phoenix store?

In a busy store like that you either have to be very new to the island or just really not care that their mum/aunt/wife/colleague could be watching.

Or maybe I’m just a prude.

[SmokingGun on 05.01.06 at 11:22]

When I was 18 I took a couple of years off between schooling to work. Every Friday night would start out at the Cock & Feather and move on from there. When I awoke well into Saturday I could always rest assured my father would be able to remind me where I had ended up. Trust me sometimes it was good thing.

[Amin Swan on 05.01.06 at 12:26]

How about this...I live in Atlanta, two weeks ago I wanted to suprise my Mother for Christmas. I told 1 person I was coming home, this was my brother (also known as my free ride from the airport). While going through customs in Bermuda, my aunt's friend had seen me and called my aunt (she must have called her from the Airport) in turn my aunt called my mom and said "I did't know your son was here for Christmas." - There went my suprise. Only in Bermuda! This is one thing hate about Bermuda - it's too dam small....

[SmokingGun on 05.01.06 at 13:04]

Limey, no worries. If you ever decide to move back to Blitey and they install that GPS system on every car you'll never be invisible again!
Or the million camera system they are installing where you are pretty much gauranteed to have your picture taken 20 times a day.

My dad once bought a car off of a friend who happens to be a very well known football manager in England. My step-mother was driving it around in London for a few days before the car had been transfered. She showed up in the papers as "the other woman".

I can't wait till the Bermuda Sun starts publishing embarrassing photos.

[Phil on 05.01.06 at 13:41]

Tiger Bay

Let me guess, you drive that car to work alone? Perhaps a wee contributor to the traffic problem, hmmm?

Yes, most days I do drive in alone. However since there is no traffic problem coming into Hamilton from the East End, I can't be contributing to it. :-)

[Tim Taylor on 05.01.06 at 14:40]

And you don't even have to be there to be eyeballed doing something! I once got a cop mate of mine to see, just out curiosity, if I was anywhere on the police computer. I was, as having been on the scene of the incident involving a stag night and a full hot, naked groom chained to a tree in the Arboretum. And I swear to God I was never there!

[Chris Broadhurst on 05.01.06 at 14:55]

Tim,

You sure about that? Cos I think I was there.

Mr. Smith ?

[Chris Broadhurst on 05.01.06 at 14:58]

I took an early Sunday morning cycle ride recently and ran into a (female) work mate doing the same thing. We rode for a mile or so and then I turned off.

24 hours later Bruce Barritt asked me if I was still with my wife - because I'd been 'seen'.

[Fly Girl on 05.01.06 at 14:59]

That's why I love to travel, it's good when you get off the rock and don't see not one Bermudian. You can "act up" and no one knows who you are or even care. Sometimes I feel that because Bermuda is so small that Bermudians are small minded and close minded as well. I love to go away and let my hair down and not feel the repercussions of it all.

I also wonder who buys those magazines off the top shelf at Phoenix too!!!

[Tim Taylor on 05.01.06 at 14:59]

Er, yeah, I think it was, but I had peeled off earlier after the thing with the... er 'nuff said.

[Martin on 05.01.06 at 15:00]

The worst ones are when someone shouts..."How's your wife"....and you don't know the person who asked the question.

[Chris Broadhurst on 05.01.06 at 15:02]

Fly Girl,

Not so. In September, I was at a McCartney concert looking for my seat among the 20,000 or so fans. My eyes were down looking at the seat numbers and I accidentally ran into a guy walking the other way. As I looked up to apologise it was Tony Brannon.

Luckily I was not acting up - otherwise I would have had to take cr*p from him.

[loki on 05.01.06 at 15:30]

"Mr. Smith ?"

Ah, this would be the same Mr. Smith (accompanied by his very tall mate) who went for a dip in the Ariel Sands pool, fully clothed, in front of a full compliment of tourists? If so, the naked/tied to a tree scenario sounds very plausible. And, Tim, please..........

[loki on 05.01.06 at 15:36]

I have bumped into an ex from Bermuda in the middle of Covent Garden.

At a Leicester Square diner, I was seated at a table next to a Paget couple for whom I used to housesit.

I have been in the foyer of a Broadway theatre with a chap from Bermuda with whom I used to work.

About four years ago, I went on bus tour in a remote area of Cornwall. We stopped off for tea at a pottery owned by a Bermudian chap by the name of Rego. His daughter was at the time a client of mine.

It's a small world, indeed......

[Uncle Elvis on 05.01.06 at 15:38]

Too true, Chris!

Almost every single trip I've ever been on, I've seen Bermudians. It's insane... it's like we can sniff each other out of any crowd.

The other thing that kills me is the fact that the old, corny joke of "Hey, you're from (wherever)? Do you know Steve?" is actually true here.
How many times have you been in that situation and answered, "Steve? Yeah, I used to go to school with him/he's my cousin/I used to sleep with his sister"

Or the ubiquitous "Who's ya people?" and, when told, "OH! Yeah... I used to go to dances with your grampa."

I like it, though... remember the flip side. Someone's always there to have your back.

Oh, yeah, Chris... are you sure it was Tony and not someone that looks like him?

[Fly Girl on 05.01.06 at 15:45]

I must be very lucky then. Not too many times, when I've been away have I seen Bermudians. I see them on the planes, but that's the last of it. I guess I must be vacationing in the right spots.

Let's hope my luck doesn't come to an end!!

[Chris Broadhurst on 05.01.06 at 16:07]

Loki,

I was at the Ariel Sands event too. It was Cup Match and the tall gentleman in question lost his winnings in the pool - was too embarrassed to ask for it back.

[loki on 05.01.06 at 16:16]

Chris, I dined with said gentlemen a few weeks ago at Cafe Cairo for lunch, along with the usual suspects. Wine + Cockspur & Cokes + Middle Eastern Water pipes + hot charcol + flammable seating = ensuing hilarity + profuse apologies......

[loki on 05.01.06 at 16:21]

For me, one of the things that I like about traveling is getting away from my fellow Bermudians for a while. Nothing personal, like. I can never quite avoid the lurch in the pit of my stomach as I slowly walk to the departure gate a Gatwick for the return home, as you start to hear snippets of the accent.

[Chris Broadhurst on 05.01.06 at 16:37]

Loki,

I was supposed to be at that lunch !!!!

Damn that thing called a job !!

[SmokingGun on 05.01.06 at 16:40]

I was in line at the airport returning to the island and I noticed one of our esteemed Ministers getting more and more steamed as people in line kept wanting to talk to him. I could tell patience was not one of his fortes but I think it must be tough being a Bermudian politician and trying to have some down time.

[Two Cents on 05.01.06 at 17:37]

The worst ones are when someone shouts..."How's your wife"....and you don't know the person who asked the question.

The only "Bermudian" trait that is funnier than that is when Bermudians emblish stories &/or tell stories in the 1st person only to find out later they weren't even there, but because they've heard the story so often they feel that they were.

I have had people tell me stuff about a certain stag party, and the surrounding events (actually it was my stag) and when I say "I didn't realise that you were there".... they reply that they weren't.(It doesn't matter anyway as it's not as if I would remember anything if my life depended on it).

[SmokingGun on 05.01.06 at 18:11]

As a matter of interest, and obviously Fly Girl has already given her thoughts, but are Bermudians or anyone residing in Bermuda for that matter more inclined to go out of their way to avoid other Bermudians when travelling or would they like to know if other compatriates might be around should they wish to hook up for a drink at a pub or something?

[Amin Swan on 05.01.06 at 18:33]

Trying to avoid Bermudians when traveling? Don't ever go to Orlando during Christmas, and stay out of shopping malls.
Last Christmas while shopping in Orlando, I hear a gentleman yelling at his kid "Get over here before I go upside your head" I stopped and asked where he was from, because I've heard that phrase used only in Bermuda, lo and behold - another Bermudian ;)

[Uncle Elvis on 05.01.06 at 18:53]

"I have had people tell me stuff about a certain stag party, and the surrounding events (actually it was my stag)"

Wait... was I there?

Oh, no, wait.. I was... yeah... I seem to recall certain things that were worth telling stories about.
None involving you of course! (Hi, Mrs. Cents!)

Wow.. that's pretty scary for someone that doesn't drink!

Don't remember much of mine, either... but I WAS drunk that night! Thank you, Crushah.

[loki on 05.01.06 at 19:13]

Hey, Elvis - your wedding reception sounded like a pretty wild affair, what with one upstanding pillar of the community nursing a smashed up face for weeks afterwards, having had a wee bit too much bubby and falling over face first.......

[Tim Taylor on 05.01.06 at 19:23]

Hey, Phil, don't stop his thread yet, mate, we haven't had so much fun for days.
Next: my Mom was at Treetops in Kenya (where the Queen was told she WAS the Queen) and was chatting with some folks, as moms do, about her kids, and she mentioned me and the lady said "Oh, yes I saw the last show, I nearly hurt myself laughing."
Bermudians are everywhere, Resistance Is Futile.

[loki on 05.01.06 at 19:35]

More of a Bermuda story, rather than a 'meeting Bermudians abroad story': I go to visit my inlaws in Dartmouth four years ago, and they introduce me to a friend of theirs who runs the rather nice soap and candle shop there (pay it a visit, if you're passing through, especially for the hemp 'dope on a rope' soap). A year goes by and I'm sitting in my sister lodge, 1503 in Somerset (Somerset, Bermuda, not Somerset England). I sit down, look to my left to be polite and introduce myself as a visitor to the lodge and, lo and behold, said soap shop proprietor is sitting next to me. Turns out he was Master of the lodge in Dartmouth and had decided to come out for a courtesy visit.....

[Rincewind on 05.01.06 at 19:44]

I have always hated the fact that everything you do in Bda is under scrutiny, and the way any story is embellished to make it sound better. Nothing like a good bit of gossip. This is the kind of thing that ruins reputations and marriages, just start a rumor that someone is a drunk, into drugs, sleeps around or is gay and see what happens. It is always far more interesting to believe that someone is up to no good than to believe that someone is normal to the point of boring.

[Tim Taylor on 05.01.06 at 19:52]

Ahh, Rince, isn't it much better,as Uncle said earlier, to know you've always got someone watching your back?
Also, Loki, "sister Lodge 1503" huh? I've been three times Master of 200 - you are giving away your idendity bit by bit my brother.

[SmokingGun on 05.01.06 at 19:56]

I've always enjoyed the Las Vegas concept of what happens there stays there. Maybe we should start invoking that in Bermuda.

By the way I was there last month and I could have sworn I saw Fly Girl at the.......

[Tim Taylor on 05.01.06 at 20:03]

Geez, Smokin', you mean you don't know the RULE?
What happens beyond the Red Immigration Line STAYS beyond the Line, man.
Handy tip.
Unless, of course, it's too good to hold back - for example Politicians and Lovers.

[loki on 05.01.06 at 20:09]

"Also, Loki, "sister Lodge 1503" huh? I've been three times Master of 200 - you are giving away your idendity bit by bit my brother."

Tim, I know that, mate. We know each other. We've been in a play together for chrissake. I've hinted to you enough times, I'm surprised you haven't worked it out. I'm 726, as is my father (PM) and brother.

[Rincewind on 05.01.06 at 20:10]

I think I have a pretty good Bda connection story, I was working in a hotel in London talking to a woman in New York, she picked up that my accent was not English and asked where I was from, when I said Bda the 1st thing she asked was who where my people, turned out she knew my father-in-law. (My Bdian side of the family was dwindling until my husband and I started to breed);-)

[Tim Taylor on 05.01.06 at 20:15]

Dear Loki.
Colour me stupid.
Hi Bro, I've got you now.

[Tim Taylor on 05.01.06 at 20:29]

Bugger, I forgot the best one of all.
I was skiing at Killington in Vermont when I went into the bar built like a railroad train (forget the name) and decided to try and get a Dark 'n Stormy. I started to try and explain what I wanted when the barman said, " Oh,yes, the Gosling boy's drink. Lots of of ice?"
Jaw on Floor time...

[loki on 05.01.06 at 20:31]

I think that Bermuda can be properly characterized as a large geographical chinese whisper. It's amazing how 'Joe Smith cut his hand on a fishing hook off Challenger Banks' can morph into 'Joe Smith was devoured by a Tiger Shark' within, say, three hours.

[loki on 05.01.06 at 20:35]

"Oh,yes, the Gosling boy's drink"

I am, indeed, proud to say that, along with a fellow member of the Bar of these isles, I discovered a pub, not a stone's throw from the Inns of Court School of Law in Gray's Inn, that actually served Black Seal. Ah, happy days, indeed..........

[Uncle Elvis on 05.01.06 at 20:35]

That's why it kills me that so many people are able to remain anonymous here on the blog!

I mean, I know my well-crafted disguise has kept so many of you from figuring out who I am, and those guys who hide behind the names of the NTUU fellows...

[SmokingGun on 05.01.06 at 20:35]

Tim thanks for the tip. My lips are sealed wth red tape.
By the way, I bet they didn't give you Barritt's Ginger Beer did they.
To often they end up using Hot Jamaican style and not the cool smooth Bermuda style. Just not the same.

[Rincewind on 05.01.06 at 20:44]

"I mean, I know my well-crafted disguise has kept so many of you from figuring out who I am,"

I thought everybody knew who you were :-)

[Tim Taylor on 05.01.06 at 20:47]

Smokin' - that's what blows me away - they DID have Baritt's Ginger Beer. Obviously Bruce and Malcolm are working together here. Damn, it was good!
Loki - they are aquiring civilisation in London? Good news!
Uncle - give me a break Bro'. All these buggers posting complete crap (sorry Tony) under my name just burns my butt, man. Like a brother poster said, (sort of), don't you just hate the "toast 'n post" - "drink "n plink" guys?
Thank God I'm at least coherent when I'm hot.

[Uncle Elvis on 05.01.06 at 20:54]

"Thank God I'm at least coherent when I'm hot"

Yeeeeaaaahhhh... riiiiight... ohhh kay. You just keep believing that, big boy.

Rincey,

Ha HA! That's all part of the disguise! I let them know who I am and that way they get confused! I think.