Die Cupid, die!
It’s Valentine’s Day again. Bah, humbug.
When I was single, I loathed Valentine’s Day. Every year I’d let myself get excited at the prospect of receiving a card from an anonymous admirer, and every year I’d be miserable when I didn’t get a single one. Valentine’s Day was nothing more than a day for insufferably smug couples to pity and patronise me. “There’s someone out there for everyone, you know,” they’d say, before going out for a candlelit dinner followed by torrid sex, while I went home to a Sainsbury’s microwave meal for one.
However, now that I’ve become one of those Smug Marrieds myself, Valentine’s Day still seems pointless. When you have a partner, you shouldn’t need a special day to celebrate your love. You should be doing it every day (well, once a week at least). Besides, Valentine’s Day is so schmaltzy, so commercialised, that celebrating it is often about as far from a spontaneous, thoughtful act of love as it’s possible to get. And bloody expensive too.
Mind you, I’m not sure the wife sees things quite the same way. Guess I’d better get her some flowers, just to be safe.
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Get the flowers.
(and diamonds never hurt)
The alternative downside risk is just too great.
Enjoy!
Posted by jake on 14.02.06 at 08:18
We are ordering take-out tonight. Not sure what kind yet, but that will be the extent of it.
To make matters "seem" worse Valentines Day is also my wedding anniversary. It seemed like a cute idea at the time. Now it just means a potentially expensive February which follows an expensive January (wife and daughter's birthdays) which follows an expensive December.
So...this year I got the wife a very expensive Christmas gift which makes up for that day, her birthday, Valentines and our anniversary.
....and yes, diamonds were involved, heavily. Them and emeralds.
;-)
Posted by ace on 14.02.06 at 08:44
I am standing in the proverbial s..t this morning (again).
Every year and throughout the year, I bemoan Valentines Day (and days like it that Hallmark and florists benefit from)saying how much I hate them.
At the point of discussion, my wife agrees with me.
But not this morning of course. Whatever we have agreed upon during the year, is no longer an agreement. My failure to deliver will no doubt have it's ramifications.
I never understood women.
Posted by Smiths on 14.02.06 at 09:09
When they say no it means yes... red means blue, and if they tell you everything is "fine", it is far from it.
Posted by Somers on 14.02.06 at 09:22
Smiths, you would be an instant billionaire if you managed to figure out women. You are not alone in your misunderstanding...far from it.
Posted by ace on 14.02.06 at 09:33
Valentine's Day extends the idea that love is basically good and that people should do it. All experience will indicate that love is bad as often as it is good and debilitating as often as it is enhancing. VD proposes the idea that love is innocent when, in fact, it is best conducted with wisdom. Valentine's day is the delusional corrective. It sets us back on the course of error after everything we have learned has taught us to behave otherwise and believe otherwise.
It is not a particularly brilliant holiday. But which ones are?
Posted by blovator on 14.02.06 at 10:04
I would beg to differ BLO as I do not not think love is ever bad.
It has many interpretations but love in its purest form is never harmful.
If you have been loved by someone who loves you more than her own life you have a totally different opinion, trust me.
Before she passed she sent me one of hundreds of little notes for every occasion and even though I am an agnostic a quote from
1 Cor 13 : 4-8 confessions from Amplefred or Paraphrased Bible.
Regrettably I think I was guilty of almost all the things it warns against but it was compelling even to a cynic so it remains with me.
Posted by Bill Cook on 14.02.06 at 11:06
I'm just glad I found the courage a few years ago to start giving just one red rose on Valentine's Day..... now I can afford the meal and gifts that go with it.
Posted by SmokingGun on 14.02.06 at 11:39
blovator,
I agree with Bill Cook. The most wonderful thing in the world you can experience is "true love". And though you may be skeptical, it is out there. It's just not very many of us ever get to experience it, but when you do you will know. My sincerest valentine wish is that it happens for you.
Posted by Shelley on 14.02.06 at 11:40
Smokes, you are a lucky, lucky man, pulling THAT scam off!
Because I have worked in seasonal industries for most of my adult life, February is usually a little tight every year. My wife instituted the tradition of making our gifts for each other, to save money.
Great idea, right?
WRONG! The first couple of years, it was wonderful. I could make her a paper rose, or a heart with a single Hershey's kiss in the middle (the rest of the bag hidden, but close at hand,ready to be pulled out and offered before she tears the house apart looking for it.), or something useful, like a wooden book stand for when she reads at night.
But then what? I could make a... no, I did that two years ago. Or a... nope. Four years ago. Maybe a... That one was six years ago.
Two years ago, I stayed up all night and did an animation of myself (from the comic strip) singing "It Must Be Love" by Madness. I'd put up a link, but it got lost on the internet and the lesson in backing-up-your-data that was my harddrive crash.
So how do I top? Lord only knows.
I surprised her yesterday with a dozen roses and 4 Cadbury's Dairy Milks. Not gonna be enough.
Spider-Girl better be in at the comic shop today is all I gotta say, or my ass is in a sling!
If you're reading this, I love you, Poopie Doopie!
Posted by Uncle Elvis on 14.02.06 at 12:10
I have mixed feelings about Valentine's Day. As much as I enjoy being given presents, it makes me feel guilty, as my birthday is the day after and I feel this is not quite fair to my husband.
I try to make up for it by making sure it is just a very mellow day - we do get each other cards and flowers, but they are pretty low key (and definitely not overpriced and fairly boring roses.) And I prefer that we cook a nice meal at home- we did go out for dinner one year, but the restaurant only offered a set menu and we were surrounded by couples being ferociously romantic.
All I really want on Valentine's Day is to be taken to a good movie. And to be told how much my husband loves me, of course.
Posted by Fen on 14.02.06 at 12:21
Sorry - but love can be the most destructive force on earth. The Russian people loved Stalin. Who are you to say they were wrong as they went to bed on cold nights with Papa Jo's picture over thier bed. It goes all ways. It has no purity because it simplly is. What you get is the best and worst all in one. it can create great happiness and mind bending sadness. Hate is no where near as powerful. The only real opposite to love may be death which is just as ambiguous.
Respect is not as strong as love but in particular instances it can be. Very often love acquires great weakness and it can be very debilitating. The Rastas do well to venerate respect which is much more consistent. Respect brings people to gether in a willing positive union. This is not always the case with love.
Posted by blovator on 14.02.06 at 13:43
"All I really want on Valentine's Day is to be taken to a good movie. And to be told how much my husband loves me, of course."
Fen - that sounds great. But what's he going to be doing while your at the movies with your girlfriends?
Just kidding...... ;)
Posted by SmokingGun on 14.02.06 at 13:45
Guys running around Hamilton to buy flowers and ballons for their mediocre looking women, the only winners are the people who sell that junk.
Posted by cupid on 14.02.06 at 14:05
Just talking with a friend of mine who has been married for 12 stormy years. He said he was really stuck as to what to get his wife for Valentines until a weekend news story broke ... so he got her a hunting trip with Dick Cheney!
Posted by RedOnion on 14.02.06 at 14:24
Speak for yourself, "cupid".
My wife is in no way, shape or form, mediocre.
Posted by Uncle Elvis on 14.02.06 at 14:51
Cupid,
I've got to say, your remark about men buying flowers & balloons for their MEDIOCRE looking woman is one of the shallowest & stupidest things I've ever heard.
Grow up why don't you, & in the meantime, save that shit for your friends who think as little as you.
Posted by Observer on 14.02.06 at 14:53
Uncle E - Now you know Poopie Doopie would have punched you up side the head with the happy stick if you hadn't jumped in on stupid cupid.... ;)
How ironic his email address is at "hotmail"...
Posted by SmokingGun on 14.02.06 at 15:00
BLO,
The Russian people loved Uncle Joe ?
Quite amazing as he murdered more than Hitler and maybe you are confusing VD with NKVD his secret police?
I seriously doubt Joe was on anyones Valentine days list !!
Maybe the St Valentines day massacre oops that was in Chicago.
Posted by Bill Cook on 14.02.06 at 15:32
Sorry blovator if I possibly offended you. I just really believe in love, and true love in my mind is not destructive - I like the Biblical Corinthians definition and that is possibly closer to the Rasta ideal or principle. I've seen love do wonderful things and heal some tremendous hurts. How do you see love acquiring great weakness, do you mean vulnerability?
Posted by Shelley on 14.02.06 at 15:37
Smokes, there would be nothing happy about the stick she'd beat me with! *grin*
Just one thing about this thread.
Should we really be calling it VD?
Posted by Uncle Elvis on 14.02.06 at 15:39
The only objection I have to VD is how Hallmark has made it into yet another greeting card holiday. The stores are full of "Happy Valentine's Day to Mom", and "To the best sister in the world on Valentine's day". Kinda loses the original idea a bit don't you think?
Valentine's day should be for lovers, and secret admirers - not everyone on your Christmas list.
Posted by Chris Broadhurst on 14.02.06 at 15:53
i'll never forget the valentines day i walked through that covered passage way between the bank of bermuda and the building that has hickory stick, some law offices and a small pharmacy - i've never seen so many flowers in my entire life... !
Posted by Kristen Sousa on 14.02.06 at 15:56
Bill Cook
Yes, they loved Stalin. Even in the Breshnev years the cult lived on. Hitler was loved as was Mao. Love is not a moral animal. Aphrodite is an excellent godess of love, far better than Jesus, whose love is gentle untill of course you die and get to see his Dad. God's love can be... well... absolute hell.
Aphrodite at least is consistent.
Posted by blovator on 14.02.06 at 16:17
Shelley
no offense taken. Love is weak. It is strong and weak and can not be counted on to be one or the other at convienienct times. Countless times, people who love will fail their loved ones. The ready and completely acceptable excuse is " But I never stopped loving you." And it can be used over and over with complete impunity. Especially with children. Total strangers don't get this kind of pass. In face total strangers often bahave much better than one's loved ones.
So yes, love is weak.
Posted by blovator on 14.02.06 at 16:24
Unlikely those who were tortured and killed during Stalins reign of terror loved him 1935 1938 I think.
It would depend on which end of the bullet you were on.
Like everyone the Russian people were not a monolithic entity but certainly millions died by varying methods not the least of which was contrived famine.
Roses are Red, just like the Blood we shed
Let the Red Wine flow, cos we luv you
UNCLE JOE
Posted by Bill Cook on 14.02.06 at 16:29
St Valentines Day, it has become so sickly it makes me want to vomit. And I am not a bloke! You have my sympathy guys. Better to choose a day that is special to you as a couple; the day you first met, had sex, got engaged, conceived your first child (you do the maths)anything but help to keep this over hyped commercial golden goose going on one more year.Tell the girls that they will receive better value bouquets, meals and gifts as the exploiters can't over inflate the prices as they won't know which day your all celebrating.Most women have an eye for a bargain, so can't see it failing. And it will stop so many people feeling left out on February 14 myself included!
Posted by Radio 4 listener on 14.02.06 at 16:31
Right on
The only difference my pal tells me on Valentines day is that his girl friend now not only watches TV when they have sex but eats the chocolates he gets her as well !!
Posted by Bill Cook on 14.02.06 at 16:41
Its also interesting to note how intensely really vile people like Mao and Stalin and Hitler are loved. Many people believe the John Lennon quote "and in the end the love you give is equal to the love you make." It simply isn't true. Often the most loved are the most vile and most unloving. Love spreads its favours with out distinction. Those that pledge thier lives to love are rewarded in the same way as people who can be regarded as absolutely evil.
Posted by blovator on 14.02.06 at 16:43
Bill-Blo: Under Stalin I would imagine it was a little less "From Russsia with Love" and more like "Love or Let Die".
Radio 4 Listener - thanks for being so understanding. Oh yes and if you are feeling a little left out I'd be happy to check with my girlfriend and she if she's up for inviting a guest. I can hear the phone click now... ;)
Posted by SmokingGun on 14.02.06 at 16:46
My goodness...Blovator needs to get laid...STAT! ;-)
Posted by ace on 14.02.06 at 16:49
Ace
getting laid has nothing to do with it as I am sure you know.
Posted by blovator on 14.02.06 at 16:56
Radio 4
Well if you listened only to the radio rather than watching the TV maybe we could work something out with my pal ?
Posted by Bill Cook on 14.02.06 at 16:58
I was going to get my wife some Roses - but she doesn't drink vodka.
Posted by Chris Broadhurst on 14.02.06 at 17:04
blovator,
I understand where you are coming from, especially as it relates to children. Today is the anniversary date of when I adopted my five year old nephew, who was very much let down by his parents. But I have a wonderful legacy from my grandmother who taught me what love really is and believe me it was never weak, love is unselfish and it is self-sacrifice. It is putting someone else's needs or life ahead of your own. And everytime I look at my nephew, now my son I know it was worth it and I am glad she taught me that life lesson. And believe me its out there for men and women too! Maybe it takes character and committment and maybe an ability not to eat chocolates and watch TV during lovemaking - I don't know.
Posted by Shelley on 14.02.06 at 17:34
Smoking Gun and Bill Cook, thank-you for your kind offers. You have cheered the day up. As good as getting a Valantine card!
Posted by Radio 4 listener on 14.02.06 at 19:02
oops I meant Valentine. Its the champagne, one sip and I can't spell.
Posted by Radio 4 listener on 14.02.06 at 19:08
Smoking Gun,
In answer to your question, my husband often joins us at the movies. He seems to like being surrounded by women...
Hope you all had a good day, and that all your other halves were happy with their presents/lack of presents. I am off to enjoy my birthday, hurrah!
Posted by Fen on 15.02.06 at 09:49
Happy Birthday Fen!! Enjoy the day.
Posted by SmokingGun on 15.02.06 at 11:19
blovator,
I don't think you are right in saying that Russians loved Stalin, I think it was more along the lines of you don't say X you get sent to Siberia. Or we just kill you. Same with Cuba, Same with China... no love just dictatorship and all the fun emotions that come with that.
Posted by tong on 15.02.06 at 12:52
Ace...
By way of an update on my first posting, it is now the day AFTER Valentines Day - and I am still standing in the s..t.
Isn't life a bummer?
Posted by Smiths on 15.02.06 at 19:09
Valentine's Day made more sense as a pre-Christian ritual in overtly repressed societies. In our society, which most imagine to be quite liberated, but which is actually still rather repressed, and so is now schizophrenic, too, I reckon we need to establish a firm position and stick to it...so, the thought being what counts (or, so I've been told), we'll say we're as liberal as we say we are, and the ritual lacks the useful function that Roman rituals did. That being the case, and we being, supposedly, free to express our affection and give and receive sensual pleasure without fear of the wrath of moralists-or those moralists whose morals differ-one has to wonder why we need to reserve a special day to do this, why we ritualise how we express these, and what the purpose of the rituals is-or, more precisely, how these rituals actually express these, as opposed to turning amourous relationships into an exchange of material wealth for sex, and whatever, presumably pleasurable, emotional baggage comes with it. Bearing in mind, of course, that, with popular convention, meaning is rarely ever the same thing as function.
It's been pointed out above, the connections between these rituals and the annual turnovers of companies large and small. I recall that 'dating', in the USA, once referred to what is now described as 'turning tricks'. Dating, as we now understand the word, was something that developed when businesses were able to hitch a financial imperative for the previous, and rather inexpensive, tradition known as courting. In both of these cases, businesses have taken advantage of another ancient practice in much of the World....that of vulnerable peoples, restricted from traditional wealth accumulation activities, such as land-owning, and operating businesses, to put great effort into investing into things that were easily transported, which held a universally recognised cash-value, as it were, and which were legal tender everywhere. Two of these vulnerable groups were women and European Jews, but we're sticking to women, for now...It's often enough said to be a cliche, that women, historically, have had to be won over by gifts of jewellery, that they value it like no man does (men generally value gold bars for their utility in prying womens' knees apart), and that they expect to receive lots of it from potential suitors, beaus, and husbands. Even though woman's place in society has changed, these old instincts to wealth accrual, in the form of jewellery, and lavishing or witholding their favours/tender mercies in direct relationship to how much jewellery she is given - and how many silly, time-consuming rituals [to a man, it's Time that is money] a man demonstrates he is willing to sacrifice for her - still hang on. It's rather easy to keep fanning their flames with those big Hallmark cards.
For myself, I take a largelly Epiucurean attitude to Valentine's, dating, and all other aspects of male/female relationship. Of course, as someone once said, 'in an unjust world, the only place for a just man is in prison'. Not that I'm concerned with justice, whatever that means. That's just by way of saying I'm available, this Valentine's. If any pretty colleens wish to woo me, I'll certainly accept your money, but my love, whatever that is, is free, so you can munerate me in the morning....;)
Epicures
Posted by Seán Pòl Ó Creachmhaoil on 16.02.06 at 15:51