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Caption competition #50

This week's caption competition is taking tea with Premier Alex Scott and British Ambassador to the US, Sir David Manning, at the latter's official residence in Washington DC.

Alex in Washington

Photoshop entries are also welcomed and should be emailed to me.

Winners will be announced on Sunday.

Part of the OTB Caption Jam.

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Scott: "So how many house n*****s do you have here?"

"I'm sorry, but who are you again?"

" Do you mind if I dunk?"

Scott: "So tell me again how you achieved independence from Britain?"

Scott: "Yes, we have a great deal in common with the US. Racial reconciliation for one".

Scott: Now, gentleman, I wonder if you can take care of that Limey blighter for me. A bit of a problem is that lad. Look, after my glorious independence, I'll agree to keep wearing the silly hat with the plumes if you'll just take him back.

No no no seriously, guess how much I spent on my residence. I mean this place is alright, but guys really, the curtains? Faded couches? Honestly I'm sure the tax payers don't mind, back in Bermuda they encourage us to show decadence!

So come on, do I get to meet Condee? I came all this way, she's so hot! That gal's got pop AND sizzle! Keep that sonofagun Ewart away from her!

Pundit meets Fullofit

Alex thinking - "Damn! They all look like Tonny Brannon!"

Scott thinking to himself: Gawd this silence is awkward, well... they dont look like me, sound like me...

"how about those Braves aye."

Alex: After Independence it's going to be more difficult to work across de pond, so could you guys ease us up a bit, you know relax that convicted criminal thing. I'm sure we could work out a vacation at my place, the decor is far superior to this.

Alex, at first, appeared deep in thought, but after a minute went by without him saying anyhting intellegent, it became painfully obvious that pinocchio was indeed still a puppet.

All eyes were on the Premier, and people began to edge away after he accidentally farted.

Alex realised that he wasn't like anyone else is the room when it dawned on him that he was the only one without his legs crossed.

Others in the room waited patiently for Alex Scott to complete his thought...forchrissakes man can't you coherently finish one thought?! Hurry it on up, we've got to move three more visiting "partners in democracy" through here before lunch!!!!

Alex started to worry that once again he was about to be mistaken for a "special person" at another overseas conference.

Alex's publicity idea turned for the worst when telling the other ambasadors of his bumper sticker campaign "Honk if you love me", when he accidentally blurted out "Honky Love me!"

Alex: I’ve come over here to complain in person about the Abe Lincoln impersonator you sent us for a consul general.

Scott nervously ponders the consequences of the US adding "blundering incompetence" to the stop list criteria.

"So, it's a movie, two words, sounds like ... "

Alex's Inner Thoughts: "Great, Ewart gets to hang with oil Shieks at the Burj and what do I get? A room full of paleface mofo's and the queen's hand me down furniature. He'll never let me hear the end of this! God, I miss the 70's...If only Buck were here..."

Everyone held their breath as they waited to see if Alex would notice the mind control drug added to his tea.

In a cultural exchange Alex demonstrates the Bermudian tea ceremony. As he adds the eighth sugar he explains that historians believe the ceremony was first brought to Bermuda by a British Plummer.

The head child of the nursery school class has a tea party.

Um Ah, Um Ah, Um Ah, Um Ah.....(I wish I had something intelligent to say. Help me teacher Consulate) Um Ah, Um Ah, Um Ah.........

As a warm feeling spread quickly over Alex, he realised with alarm that he had exceeded the "tea tolerance" of his Depends®.

♫ One of these things is not like the other, one of these things is not the same ♫

As David’s hand slowly moved towards him, Alex suddenly remembered saying to Wayne that he could come with him as long as he sat between him and the Ambassador.

Honest, it was the UBP that gave them the gunpowder.

In a desperate attempt to say something intelligent and relevant, Alex blurts out "There's only one "T" in Typhoo" ... unsurprizingly this received a similar reaction as his earlier exclamation "Yoo-hoo, Typhoo!"

Alex (trying to break the ice)"so...if Typhoo pu the "T" in "Britain", who put the c__t in "Scunthorpe?"

Sir John (whispering): "No Alex - I said raise your pinky".

Premier thinking: "I'll just keep stirring this tea for a bit longer. I wonder who's bladder will burst first...hehehehe."

"Well gentlemen, he certainly is from another world."

Alex, in response to a question about Bermud'a relations with Cuba
"Cuba? er... no, not Cuba the country..no, no, I meant Cuba Gooding Jr the actor... yes that's the Cuba we're talking about..."

"No gentlemen, I can assure you it was just a small wharf house that the queen had once visited. I did not have Burch tear down Government House. Trust me he's not touching that house anytime soon and only when I need new curtains. Did I say "I", I mean't "it needs new curtains".
The Colonel's great at picking out new curtains you know."

"Take some more tea," the US Consul General said to Alex, very earnestly.
"I've had nothing yet," Alex replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more."
"You mean you can't take less," said the British Ambassador: "it's very easy to take more than nothing."
"Nobody asked your opinion," said Alex.
"Who's making personal remarks now?" the British Ambassador asked triumphantly.

(Excerpted from the official text of "Alex's Adventures in Washington")

Alex takes a moment to ponder "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" before relying on the "Plantation Question" exemption.

"So. Wuz up?"

British ambassador admits his couch is made entirely from Ferrero Rocher wrappers.

"So Alex. Where's Furbert?"

Alex: "Oh Jeez, tea again, if we weren't still bloody under dear old England, they might serve something stronger, like a dark and stormy. One more cuppa and I'll puke.

"Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?"

As he took his first sip, the significance of the ambassador's question "Do you Tanqueray?" became clear to Alex.

The last thing on P's mind was: "Why am I the only one who's drinking?"

"Talking about establishing a US Coast Guard base in Bermuda. My Minister of Tourism asked me to find out how many passengers will that add to his qouta?"

"Um.....um....uuummm yew no bye vut um talkin bout"

"Good God, who is this moron?"

Deal or no deal?

"Independence? Nah I didn't say anything about independence. Don't know what you're talking about. Now about me getting that Starbuck's deal....."

"Where are the interns? ... Ewart assured me there would be interns."

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